Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and the Mission

Yesterday it was Mother’s Day, and who doesn’t think Mom deserves her own day? In a few more weeks, we’ll do the same thing for Dads. Annual acclaim is hardly sufficient for the people who are the backbone, shapers, and securers of the family. As such, they are society’s cornerstone despite the fact that parents aren’t exactly a coalition politicians show much interest in. Moms and dads provide for, love, feed, change, rock, protect, transport, and train children for many, years.

So parents, pop quiz: what’s the best thing you can do for your children?

• Keep them safe?

• Feed them nutritious food?

• Provide a Christian education?

• Do your best to make sure they have good friends?

• Capitalize on opportunities to explore their interests in sports, music, theater, dance, hobbies, videography, or entrepreneurship?

• Guard them from bad influences?

• Don’t give them a phone before age 14, 15, or 16? Or 18?

• Set up a college fund for them as soon as they’re born?

• Help them always feel good about themselve?

• Teach them to handle money wisely?

• Encourage them early to think about careers they might be interested in?

• Eliminate obstacles for them?

• Make them go to church?

• Point them to Jesus?

OK, I see you weighing all of it, but you’re a good Christian so you’re leaning towards the last one aren’t you? Let’s say you’re right. After all, what does it profit someone to gain everything the world thinks measures success, but lose their soul?

You’re right, the last is the most important one on the list. But there’s one even more important that’s not on the list (sorry, that was sneaky). Without it, there’s a decent chance your children grow up to be indifferent to Jesus except as a family norm. With it, interest in Him is far more likely as children come to realize they have a massive problem only He can solve.

I’m talking about your children knowing about sin and understanding that they are sinners. Teach them about sin, explain it, illustrate it, highlight it when they sin, and admit that it plagues you as well. (One of the best ways to teach our children that we’re sinners too—and how to deal with sin, is ask their forgiveness when we’ve wronged them.) Explain how they can fight it, show how you fight it, and show what you do when you lose the battle.

What’s your answer when asked, “What did Jesus die to save you from?” Some reply “death.” Even more reply “hell.” But these are effects of the problem, not the problem. When Jesus walked out of His grave, he hadn’t just conquered death or hell. He’d conquered their cause: sin.

Before you dismiss “sin training” as a negative—even harmful way to parent, consider this. The meek and lowly Jesus—who loved kids, thought sin was so awful that He warned if it turned out that your hand or eye was to blame for it, cut off your hand or gouge out your own eye rather than risk eternal judgement (Matthew 5:29-30). He said these blunt words despite knowing children would one day hear them. Tempting as it is to dismiss this over-the-top reaction to sin as nothing but exaggeration, what if sin really is that awful? What if naïve kids—who quickly become teens and adults, fail to see themselves as desperately in need of what Jesus did outside of Jerusalem 2000 years ago? Even if such blindness doesn’t keep our children from looking for the gospel, it may prompt them to look for one that’s not in the Bible and doesn’t save.

I’ve listened to Christians young and old explain why they needed Jesus. I’m always alarmed by those who do so without mentioning sin.

• I need help with life.

• I need a friend.

• I want His help to overcome depression.

• I want to be a better person.

• I want to get closer to God.

Do such responses mean these folks are not genuine believers? Of course not. But when we primarily think of the benefits of the gospel as “sadness solved” instead of “sins solved,” it’s at least concerning. And eternity’s at stake.

Recently at a high school concert, the director introduced us to the piece the band was about to play. After explaining that the Latin title Dies Irae meant “God’s Wrath” in English, the irony appeared to be completely lost on him when just before he stepped up to the conductor’s platform to direct the piece, he urged the audience to “enjoy God’s wrath.”

No one ever will.

Which is why it is urgent that over time—using the kind of matter-of-fact language used for other ordinary things, you help your children understand that they too are carriers of the single contamination that attracts God’s wrath. Help them see that sin doesn’t just mark the felon in prison, or the guy dealing fentanyl on the corner in the seedy part of town, it marks you. And it marks them. Your 8-year-old’s sins may be tiny compared to those serving life in prison, but they’re still huge compared to a holy God who is unflinching in His indignation at all sin.

Since the gospel is a solution to a problem they have, children should become fluent in this problem—and age 16 is too late to introduce it. True, such fluency doesn’t guarantee that a child believes he/she needs the solution offered, but at least they’re not in the dark about their problem.

Here are a few practical suggestions for exposing children to their sinfulness.

• From the time your children begin to understand you, in age-appropriate ways teach them that they have the same disease as everyone else—including you.

• Since it’s common to everyone, speak to your child matter-of-factly about sin—not as if it’s some calamity that could have been prevented.

• When discussing responding to the gospel, use the biblical language that includes addressing sin. When I spoke about the gospel with young people preparing for baptism, I always hoped to hear them say that they had “repented of their sins.” Few did, but many spoke about “accepting Jesus,” something admittedly that the Bible speaks of in John 1:12. But the Scriptures repeatedly refer to faith—not just as receiving Jesus, not just as believing, but as repenting of sins (Luke 24:47; Acts 5:31, 17:30, 2 Peter 3:9). When Peter preached his Pentecost sermon to the masses and 3000 got saved, this is what he told them they must do: Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:38, NLT).

• Commend, but be careful not to over-flatter your children. Being more concerned about their self-esteem than their spiritual condition may deter or even inoculate you against laying this necessary and good foundation for the gospel (“you’re a sinner, my precious child”) at home.  

• When you exercise discipline, review with your child that what they did didn’t just displease you, it displeased God. “You didn’t just misbehave, you sinned.” And then review forgiveness, mercy, and grace. Don’t merely teach about sin, find ways to point to it.

• Both tell and show your children that though they are sinful, you love them. “In the same way, God loves all of us even though we are sinners.”

• Pray, but don’t push them to “accept Jesus.” We all want our children to be “safe” in the Lord as soon as possible. But wanting to please parents, children and teens sometimes respond to prodding with a premature profession of faith that’s phony. False conversions can be eternally damaging if both child and parent proceed with life as if everything’s ok now.

Besides laying a foundation for embracing the gospel, when your son or daughter begins to clearly recognize the breadth and depth of her sin, they are increasingly immunized against being too judgmental of others. After all, looking in the mirror at the tree trunk stuck in my own eyes makes me far less concerned about the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye.  

So what does this any of this have to do with mission (see the title of this post)? Just this: Jesus not only wants your children to become His disciples, but to make other disciples for the rest of their lives; to live day in and day out for the purpose of offering people the good news and urging them to become disciples. But first, they must be clear on what it is that the good news addresses. Only then will they offer others a biblical gospel that can save them FROM THEIR SINS. And it’s being sobered that they had this problem and Jesus solved it, that piqued their interest in being on His mission.